Echoes and Reiterations

As I sit in solitude, I find my mind rehashing the same thoughts and questions over and over. It is almost as if my mind is on loop, re-analyzing the same data points again and again. I have plumbed the depths of my mind, searching for answers as to why I feel the way I feel, why I am the person I am, in an attempt better understand my own emotions and actions. And, almost inevitably, I reach the same conclusions I have reached a hundred times before. Shades of melancholy begin to set in, sadness and regret that had once been banished creep in, unannounced.  Alone, I examine the mistakes I’ve made, thoughts I’ve left unuttered, and my own preconceptions of how things “should be” or “should have gone”; always looking towards the future so I won’t make the same mistakes into infinity. And as I realize that my “problems” pale in comparison to the majority of my peers, I feel guilt for not jumping for joy at my astoundingly lucky life. And yet, at moments like these, I feel lost, adrift, and searching for meaning. Give me an hour or some pleasant company and I’ll be back to my normal happy go-lucky self, these thoughts once again banished to the recesses of my mind. But until then, I sit, and think.